It’s Furious Balancing

I actually feel kind of attacked by the sun. I feel like it’s piercing into me, and I start to feel more and more desperate to escape it…. By August, I’m barely able to function and don’t really recover until autumn. October is reliably a good month. I’m waking up, and I feel like I’m being released from my summer, what I would call, jail cell. — A sufferer of Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder, New York Times¹

I hate summer. I’ve hated summer for years, but recently it’s become quite worse. Just walking the half block from the coffee shop to work — with the morning sun full in my face — is nearly intolerable. It’s not that I can get a second-degree sunburn in 30 minutes (I can). It’s not that the heat and humidity are oppressive (They are). It’s the light. I am truly sick of the light. On that short walk to the office this morning, the temperature was in the 60′s and still the light felt like it was gouging holes in me.

I’ve been contemplating this post for a while now, ever since I saw the Alaskan pictures over on Yarn Harlot’s blog. Land of the midnight sun and all that. It got me thinking: If there’s a place where there’s 20+ hours of daylight right now, there has to be a place where there’s 20+ hours of non-light, be it twilight, dusk, or total darkness.

Sign me up.

I’m certain it’s not “true” seasonal affective disorder, since I’ve shown the ability to be depressed at any time of year regardless of the amount of visible light, and I’m certainly not exhibiting any weight loss or decreased appetite (quite the opposite, in fact). Insomnia? Yes, but that’s nothing new. Agitation? Anxiety? No more than usual. Seeing the morning light start to come in at 5:30 a.m. and thinking “&^%#*, I woke up again“? Oh, yes.

I’m taking a day off from work on Monday for a Mental Health Day. This involves staying inside with the air on full blast and cataloging my books on my online database. If it would be cloudy and raining on that day, that would be heaven, but it appears that we’re due for yet another sunny day with highs in the low- to mid-90′s.

What I wouldn’t give for a polar night.

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This entry was posted on Friday, June 22nd, 2007 at 9:36 am and is filed under Depression. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.