It’s Furious Balancing

neologism (nee-ol-uh-jiz-uhm): noun — a new word, meaning, usage or phrase.

I encountered a new object today, a thing definitely outside of my usual realm of experience. No, nothing metaphysical is going on here. It was just one of those a ha! moments when pieces of the universe came together with a resounding click. A new thing — a thing that has been needed for a long, long time — appeared in an Ann Arbor party store.

I don’t have a name for it.

Yes, I know that’s a can of San Pellegrino Limonata soda sparkling beverage. I’m addicted to it. But what does one call the protective aluminum cover on the top of the can? I mean, something besides “protective aluminum cover.” I’m looking for something pithy, folks.

I’m open to suggestions. The only thing my tired brain could produce was candom (a shortened version of can condom).

Ah, but it is LOLCat Friday. I’m limiting myself to just one LOLCat, having overdosed at last week’s LOLCatapalooza, but it’s a good ‘un. Qualification – it’s a “good ‘un” to an excessively verbal, former English major. You know, the literary type.

Enjoy your weekend, cats and kittens.

To quote Hamlet.

I’ve discovered another utter time sink on the Internet. It’s a lovely little site known as Wordie. The sole purpose of Wordie is for linguistic nutcases (like myself) to make lists of words for no real reason whatsoever except to say “These are the words I think are really, really cool.” Well, this could also appeal to compulsive list makers, whose ranks I do not inhabit, but anyway…

This is a common disorder among bibliophiles — the love of words for the sake of being words. I find it hard to describe. My mind is hard-wired to be attracted to language, to play with language, to revel in wild verbal abandon. Hey, I’m a paid subscriber to VisualThesaurus.com, what can I say? One of the best birthday presents I ever received was my Compact Oxford English Dictionary.

I’m far too distracted by this new toy to write a coherent blog post. If you’re curious, you can find my catch-all, multi-purpose word list here. Sub-lists will form. I already have one over there entitled “Words I Discovered on My Way to Looking Up Other Words.”

Even though I didn’t intend for this to be a knitting blog, that seems to be what it’s turning into. I’m not even a very skilled knitter, so as a “knitting blog,” It’s Furious Balancing is lacking.

I slog along regardless.

It’s a knitting post today. Since I seem to be accumulating a lengthy list of Things To Knit, I thought I’d itemize them, if only because having a list makes me feel like Things Are Under Control. None of these have been cast on, by the way. I want to finish the Ravenclaw Raglan first. So, without much further ado, I present Laiane Wolfsong’s List of Things to Knit (Should We Be So Lucky).

1. The Mrs. Darcy Cardigan. I’ve been in love with this pattern since I first clapped eyes on it a month ago. I’ve already bought the yarn and the buttons, but I haven’t started as much as a gauge swatch yet. One sweater at a time, Laiane. Oh, it’s Cascade 220 in Regency Green. Yes, I’m highly amused that the colorway is apropos.

2. Yet Another Top-Down Raglan. Malabrigo Sale + 10% Ravelry Discount = Six Skeins of Marron Oscuro. I’m thinking a turtleneck with some waist shaping thrown in for good measure, or perhaps the Hourglass Sweater from Last Minute Knitted Gifts, or perhaps something loosely based thereon, or a combination thereof. Yeah, something like that.

3. Absorba the Great Bathmat. Even though I dissed Mason-Dixon Knitting, I do want to try out the log cabin technique and I do want (and need) a new bathmat. I ordered three one-pound cones of Peaches & Crème double worsted for this project, with the intention that I will use two strands held together for each panel, mixing up the color combinations to get some variety. The pattern calls for three strands held together, but that would be too hard on my hands. Two held together should be sufficient.

4. The Cephalopod. This will more than likely metamorphize into a cat toy. I’m planning on using Lamb’s Pride Worsted in the Prairie Fire colorway (M181). I started the ‘pod at one point but abandoned it when I took issue with the instructions, or rather, my meager knitting skills took issue with the instructions. It calls for casting 26 stitches onto four double-pointed needles. Once you’ve increased up to 52 stitches, the instructions read “knit til last three stitches on needle 2, then k2tg.” This is all well and good if you can manage an infinitesimally small number of stitches on four DPN’s and have the spatial relations skills to number your needles in your head and keep them straight. Yeah, right, and monkeys will fly out of my… Oh, nevermind.

I can certainly manage four DPN’s when there are a significant amount of stitches involved like, for instance, much more than 26; I’m thinking more along the lines of 80 to 120. Putting a mere 26 stitches onto four DPN’s seems like overkill to me.

I need to re-write the pattern instructions for Those Among Us Whose Spatial Relations Skills Are Teh Suck. It would be easier for me if they read “knit 15, then k2tg,” or however many stitches it comes out to. Another knitter asked if the pattern intentionally used four DPN’s in order to get the spacing/placement of the tentacles correct. It doesn’t appear to, since you pick up stitches for the tentacles after the body is completely knit and off the needles altogether. So, no reason whatsoever for four DPN’s outside of frustrating me and getting me to fling the whole damned thing across the room.

/sigh

I could just suck it up and do it on the four DPN’s, but that’s not as entertaining as complaining about it. C’mon, Laiane, look upon it as “Skill Building.” You’re a big girl. Cope. You love the cephalopod and you get to felt it when it’s done! You love felting. It’s like Messing Up On Purpose. How often do you get to do that?

5. The Saturday Market Bag (with Modifications). I ordered a one-pound cone of Peaches & Crème in navy at the same time I ordered the yarn for Absorba. They sent me double worsted weight instead of regular worsted weight, however. I thought it too much of a hassle to try to exchange it, so I’ll be trying this with heavier yarn than the pattern calls for. This could be one of those “Dismal Failure vs. Learning Experience” dichotomies in the making.

Well, that’s it for my serious Things to Be Knitted List. My actual queue over at Ravelry is 30+ items long.

The Husband and I have returned from over the river and through the woods (i.e., The Other Side of the State, a Republican-invested, latte-less wasteland) with a trunkload and backseat-load of my Gramma’s old knitting and sewing paraphernalia.

Gramma died about 15 years ago, and most of her crafty things have been untouched. The Husband found a bobbin still in the Singer FashionMate 360 sewing machine.

Sorting through all of it is going to be a serious project. Do not fear; I will post photos. There is more yarn than I imagined, but most of it is acrylic intended for baby items. I know I saw a few women’s magazines from 1948. The Husband found fabric scissors, two spool-boxes of sewing thread, and countless buttons, zippers, snaps, etc.

We haven’t unloaded the car yet. I need to vacuum the Cat Room and put it all in there. I’ll invite HunterXan over this weekend to start crawling through it. What we don’t use ourselves can be donated or eBay-ed.

The rest of the weekend will involve knitting, turkey casserole, and the BBC production of Pride & Prejudice. Mr. Darcy is just so hawt…

Just a quick drive-by post today; I’m happily ensconced in a computer-gaming phase and need to work on the Elder Scrolls: Tribunal quests. I could go off on a tangent about how Morrowind is coming up on it’s 6th anniversary, and how phenomenal a game it must be to still be going strong after all those years. Yes, “all those years.” We’re talking computer games here, people. If there are gamers still playing and still writing mods for a game that was released almost 6 years ago, that’s… that’s…. I’m at a loss for words. For once.

Enjoy it while it lasts.

In any event, I’m in the home stretch on the body of the Ravenclaw Raglan. Here’s a picture I took Sunday during our 10 minutes of autumn sunshine.

A few more inches on the ribbing on the body and I’ll move on to the sleeves. Woo hoo. Do I know how to party, or what?

So, time to head to Mournhold and cleanse the Shrine of the Dead and uncover a Temple informant and so forth and so on.

Once, again, it’s LOLCat Friday. There are a lot of LOLCats today; I couldn’t decide on just one. I have too many interests.

These first two are for Teh Knitterz:

* * * * *

Next up — a Smidgen of Sci-Fi!

* * * * *

And, one last one, which really isn’t funny unless you’re familiar with the literary conceits of LOLCats and my continuing amusement with a certain motif:

Later this weekend, a knitting synopsis and the End of the College Football Season as We Know It (and I Feel Fine).

Thank God.

Today, out here in the Innernets, is a day for child-free women bloggers to stand up — as much as one can stand up in the Innernets — and be counted. For a reason I have not yet uncovered, child-free women are “Purple Women.” I’ll get to the bottom of this color choice eventually, but right now I must admit that I’m stumped.

In any event, as a Child-Free By Choice Woman — who looks better in blue than in purple, thankyouverymuch — I’m doing my part. Here I am, cats and kittens, thinking about my child-free existence. I’m seeing other women talking about being “invisible” or feeling as though they “do not count” in some way, and I am mightily puzzled.

I’m not discounting their feelings — don’t get me wrong. It’s just that I’ve always been forthright about my decision not to have children. Me? Invisible? Not in the slightest.

EDIT/FOLLOW-UP — This post clarified the “invisibility” question for me, specifically her statement, “We might be ‘invisible’ to the demographers and blogspots that prefer the money leaking mommy demographic over the inscrutable childfrees, but again, so what? I’m here. I speak, I write, I have an opinion. I have time to do positive stuff. I have dreams I seek to make reality, which include serving my ‘invisible’ demographic, my sisters who have also eschewed kids- creating a place where we can share our own rich lives.”

I believe the question of “invisibility” first came up in a child-free group wanting equal time or consideration in an online venue for all women. Again, I’m assuming here, so I could be wrong. I don’t feel the need to spend time in venues that are Made for Mommies. I intentionally avoid groups that cater to Mommies. Not that I feel I’m missing a great deal by doing so; I would sooner have a romantic dinner date at Chuck E. Cheez. I know there have been issues over at Ravelry with The Mommies being offended by the mere existence of a Child Free By Choice group. Someone, somewhere, doesn’t love their pwecious-wecious liddle babies! For shame! Ban ‘em!

I’m having a flashback to my first husband’s mother asking me in the receiving line at our wedding when I was going to be having children. My reply? “Never. Is ‘never’ okay with you?” Not that I was asking her permission, mind you. I was just making it clear – in no uncertain terms – that she was way out of line.

I’m getting a headache trying to think of an instance when I felt “invisible” as a Child-Free by Choice Woman. It hasn’t happened. The issue of whether or not to have children is a non-issue. When hearing my responses to their (rude) questions of why I don’t want children — “I have better things to do with my time” or “Why on earth would I want to do that?” — most folks get the hint that it’s not up for debate and don’t pursue the topic.

For all you judgmental Breeders out there clucking your tongues over my “selfishness,” please post in the comments section all of your highly altruistic reasons for whelping having kids. That is, if you can think of a single one. All of the “reasons” for having children that I’ve ever heard certainly don’t fit that definition. To have someone take care of you in your old age? To pass on your family name and traditions? To give your mother a grandchild? Fail, Fail, and Fail. To have something to love? Fail. To have something love you? Epic Fail. You’re just as “selfish” as I am.

Don’t ask me why I don’t want to have children. Ask yourselves why you feel the need to have them. Ask yourselves why you feel the need to inflict your view on me.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to enjoy my peaceful, child-free home. Rest assured that I shall relish every minute of it.

I read a lot of knitting blogs, but one of my all-time favorites is Franklin Habit’s The Panopticon. Not only is Franklin a talented knitter, he is an excellent writer with a superb wit.

About a month ago, he posted a contest on his blog that piqued my interest — a Look-Alike Contest for Dolores van Hoofen.

Explaining exactly who Dolores is is beyond my meager talents. A fictional creation? An imaginary friend? A sassy ewe with a taste for cocktails and male exotic dancers? You really need to discover Dolores for yourself.

In any event, I present my entry in the Look Alike Contest. Alas, the fine print on the rules says that sheep are ineligible (union restrictions or somesuch). I sent Franklin my pictures anyway in the hope that he would be amused by my efforts. I hope they’ll amuse you, too.

Her glasses and handbag are made out of Fimo, and I hand-placed those Swarovski crystals with teeny-tiny tweezers. I found the pink feather boa at JoAnn’s in the kids’ crafts aisle, and the yarn is just odds and ends from my stash. The Husband contributed the Woman’s Day magazine peeking out of her handbag; it’s a leftover from a model or a dollhouse (can’t recall exactly). I did buy a few ounces of Leicester roving at the Washtenaw Fiber Festival for her hair, but I thought it made her look “too busy,” so I left it out.

All she needs is a cigarette holder and a cloche hat, and she would be perfect. The model, that is. I’m certain Dolores’ self-esteem is pretty high were I to meet her “in the wool.”

Baaaaaaaa.

No, not THAT kind of four letter word. Yeesh.

Yes, Y-A-R-N! Glorious, delicious, luscious yarn!

Earlier this week, I heard tell (via Ravelry) of a yarn shop that was offering a 10% discount to Ravelry-ers AND which had a Malabrigo sale running. I couldn’t stop myself. I didn’t want to stop myself. I have been ploughing along on the Ravenclaw Raglan and I had an eye to future projects. I ordered a colorway I’d never seen in person and my mouth dropped open when I came home to find this waiting for me:

Well, it was packaged and all.

The first photo is how it looked in the sunlight this morning. Marron Oscuro. This translates to “dark brown.” How prosaic. This is much more than dark brown. There are shades of Belgian Milk Chocolate and the Canopy of the Forest Primeval.

Dark brown, indeed. The second picture is indoors with flash. I’m Teh Suck at photography, but you can still tell that this is the sort of yarn you get nekkid with. So to speak.

I think I want to do a very simple sweater with this; anything too fussy would detract from the yarn. I’m picturing a top-down raglan, perhaps with yarn-overs instead of k1fb for the increases. Turtleneck. 1×1 ribbing on the neck, cuffs, and waist. Maybe some waist-shaping. I’m open to suggestions.

But wait — there’s more!

When The Husband and I got home from our Saturday Errands, there was another package of Malabrigo on my doorstep. It was the two skeins I won from a random drawing on the Malabrigo Junkies forum.

Yep, two pre-wound rosettes of Malabrigo Worsted in Shocking Pink. No ideas on what the Higher Purpose could be for those. I’ll just put it in The Stash and chortle over it from time to time…

Pilahteez — ur doing it rong.

I’ve been thinking — off and on over the past day or two — about Denial, specifically how powerful a coping mechanism it can be.

I’ve mentioned somewhere, sometime in this blog that I’m a legal secretary specializing in Probate and Estate Planning, an offshoot of what I euphemistically call the Death Care Industry. I have worked with Death and Mortality, albeit indirectly, every working day, for thirteen years.

Despite this, I am quite thoroughly convinced that I will live forever.

So far, so good.

I’m wrestling with a Really Big Denial right now. Yeppers, bigger than my belief in my own immortality. The attorney I’ve been working for all these thirteen years will be retiring at the end of December. There will be another estate planning/probate attorney joining the firm, so I’m not worried about losing my job or anything like that. It’s just when I contemplate coming into the office and having my boss Not Here, it feels like my stomach bottoms out into a black pit.  The rug is pulled out from underneath me.  I don’t even know how much I can write about how this feels, and I like to think that my verbal skills are my forte.

So, I’ve been choosing to ignore it. Not the wisest choice, but it’s working for me at the moment.

Yes, doxy. Look it up.

It’s okay; I’ll wait for you to come back.

More genteel than whore or slut, more pithy than streetwalker, and more accurate than odalisque. I can’t be a yarn harlot because there’s only one Yarn Harlot.

Floozy looks like a good word to use and makes me sound less like a longshoreman. Floozy has a nice long vowel sound, too. Hmmmm….. I’ll stick with doxy. Short, sweet and to the point.

Why a Yarn Doxy? Well, mainly because I find it difficult, nay, well-nigh impossible to stick with one knitting project at a time. While plugging away at my Ravenclaw Raglan, which is barely out of the starting gates, I’m already dreaming about the Mrs. Darcy Cardigan and looking at yarn pr0n online in an attempt to find a yarn substitute — and choose a color.

The Spinnerin Alpine yarn she used is discontinued, so I know I will need to use something else. Lamb’s Pride Worsted was suggested, but it sheds. Excessively. I have enough things that shed in my house (meow!) and don’t need to add another. The Ravenclaw Raglan is made with Cascade 220, which has marvelous stitch definition, is reasonably priced, and comes in scads of colors, but part of me is saying to do this in something English-y and tweed-y and Rowan-y.

/sigh

Help is on the way. Brainy Lady did an excellent review of The Knitter’s Book of Yarn, and that should be with me by the end of next week. I’m hopeful that it will help me narrow down some possible yarn substitutions.

Or not. Can you say “Can of worms?”

Oh, and here’s a picture of the Ravenclaw Raglan, the current Work In Progress. I can only knit one thing at a time, right?

This sweater is dedicated to John Cleese.

In the final days of the Tempting Sweater, the only thing that kept me slogging through the never-ending 2×2 ribbing was a good supply of Monty Python’s Flying Circus videos.

I thought the most appropriate image of John Cleese to accompany this post would be of him as the female impersonator from the Piranha Brothers sketch (Episode 14, Season 2), but my Google-fu was not up to the task and I haven’t yet been able to get an image capture from the DVD. So, failing that, I offer an image of Cleese with a ringtailed lemur.

This will work out just as well since I believe I began the bind off during my viewing of Lemurs with John Cleese.

On to the sweater.

I began this project at the end of July with the fuchsia Malabrigo worsted that I bought during the Art Fair Sale at Busy Hands. Despite all of my whining about having to keep adding length to the neck/yoke, I think, when all is said and done, I added too much.

The neck doesn’t quite lie flat the way I would like and the armpit seams are a bit lower than ideal, but it does answer to my well-developed sense of modesty.

Modifications? Tons. No eyelets and No Dorky Bow. Longer sleeves. I began p2tog decreases after I attached the sleeves to the body, first with the stitches on the sleeves and working my way up the yoke until all of the ribbing had been converted into knit 2, purl 1 ribbing. My object was to have the completed sweater sit on top of my shoulders and not be off the shoulders.

It is VERY thick and VERY warm, so I will probably only wear this a few times during the winter. I’m planning on wearing this to the office holiday party this year.

I will try to get The Husband to take some photos of me later so you can see more of this sweater. Gotta love this autumn sunshine.

Oh, and if any of you can get an image of Mr. Cleese as the female impersonator from the Piranha Brothers Sketch, please let me know. The lemurs and I will thank you.

Once again, it’s that day we have all been waiting for! The day before Caturday! The day for LOLCats!

I’m pretty sure that, as far as ‘Net memes go, the LOLCat has been overdone. Ok, more overdone than Hampster Dance but less overdone than All Your Base Are Belong to Us or, my personal favorite, Gary Brolsma lip-synching to Dragostea din tei.

So, on to the LOLCats. Once again, it’s a twofer.

First up, a reference that all MMORPG-ers (well, at least those still upright and breathing) should get:

Secondly, since I know that most of my readers aren’t MMORPG-ers, a LOLCat with more general Innernetz-related appeal:

Enjoy your weekend, Catz and Kittenz; I promise to write about yarn tomorrow. Maybe. Unless I’m distracted by the Innernetz again. Or Jane Austen. I’m a woman of many interests.