It’s Furious Balancing

I have hit full-blown obsessive sock knitting mode.  Having slogged through the “summer knitting” magazines and e-zines and catalogs — all of them getting excited and breathless about tank tops and “flirty” skirts  made with cotton/linen/bamboo/raffia/wicker — I’ve decided the best way to cope is to crank out a lot of socks.  Wool socks.  Winter socks.  Thick, warm socks that make you wish for the cool, brisk days of October or the frozen, crystalline perfection of a field of freshly fallen snow.

Or something like that.  You call it summer – I call it Three Months of Hell.

I have four pairs of adult socks on the needles right now — one for Teh Husband, two for me, and one for a birthday gift for a co-worker.  I don’t have pictures, mainly because I don’t want to traipse outside  to take photos in 85+ degree weather.   I know one is supposed to suffer for art, but I’m drawing the line right there.

When…everyone was competing for airtime, I felt invisible and became over-stimulated and anxious.  My anxiety was not about the pressure to socialize; there were more than enough bodies to take care of that.  I became anxious because I couldn’t think, and, without my own mind, I felt like I was disintegrating….In my solitude, I could regain contact with myself and become solid again. Laurie Helgoe, PhD.

That is the most apt, most accurate description of the life of an introvert in an extroverted world that I have ever read.  Truly.  When I read it, I felt as if I had the breath knocked out of me, almost like I had been punched in the stomach.  Someone understands.  Someone gets it.

I haven’t been showing up here too frequently because I haven’t been able to recover very well from my work.  For whatever unknown reason, my work load has doubled in the past two weeks.  It is utterly insane.  It’s not my boss dumping stuff on me; he is as gobsmacked as I am.  By the end of the day, I’m ready to curl up in the fetal position and eat ice cream for dinner.  I find that I’m needing more and more time to regroup so I can go back to the office the next day.

I’m around.  I am basically okay.  I’m just not feeling very chatty lately.  I’ve been knitting and reading and watching documentaries.

I’ve been rebuilding myself daily.