Things Fall Apart
When…everyone was competing for airtime, I felt invisible and became over-stimulated and anxious. My anxiety was not about the pressure to socialize; there were more than enough bodies to take care of that. I became anxious because I couldn’t think, and, without my own mind, I felt like I was disintegrating….In my solitude, I could regain contact with myself and become solid again. Laurie Helgoe, PhD.
That is the most apt, most accurate description of the life of an introvert in an extroverted world that I have ever read. Truly. When I read it, I felt as if I had the breath knocked out of me, almost like I had been punched in the stomach. Someone understands. Someone gets it.
I haven’t been showing up here too frequently because I haven’t been able to recover very well from my work. For whatever unknown reason, my work load has doubled in the past two weeks. It is utterly insane. It’s not my boss dumping stuff on me; he is as gobsmacked as I am. By the end of the day, I’m ready to curl up in the fetal position and eat ice cream for dinner. I find that I’m needing more and more time to regroup so I can go back to the office the next day.
I’m around. I am basically okay. I’m just not feeling very chatty lately. I’ve been knitting and reading and watching documentaries.
I’ve been rebuilding myself daily.
