It’s Furious Balancing

Gold stars and special bonus points awarded to those of you who know the literary allusion from the title of this post without Google.

But anyway.

I’ve been completely lost for blog post topics. There have been a few ideas flitting around my head, but nothing that takes on actual substance. I’m chalking it all up to my Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder. I’m looking at the months of June, July, and August as being similar to a prison sentence; there’s a part of me that wants to “x” out each day on the calendar with a black Sharpie. I’m about ready to dig out Apsley Cherry-Garrard’s The Worst Journey in the World, crank the air conditioning, and camp out on our sofa until the leaves start to turn and I feel like a normal human being. A relatively normal human being, that is.

You’re going to have to bear with me until I have the energy to think and compose coherent sentences. You may have to put up with a few memes and a LOLCat or two in the interim.

I’ll be back. Before September. I hope.

Even though I claim that this isn’t a Knitting Blog, that’s where it appears to be headed. I’ve been thinking some about the appeal of knitting. Why does this intrigue me so? Is there more to it than messing about with sticks and string? And how much yarn, really, can one stuff into a single bedroom closet?

Knitting lets me tap into a creative process that is, for the most part, foreign to me. I’m not an artist. I can’t draw, paint, or sculpt. I’m not a musician. I can’t play a musical instrument and I certainly can’t sing. I’m not a chef. Not an architect. Not a programmer. Not a poet. Not an actor. I’m not an “anything,” really, in terms of creating.

This isn’t true with the knitting. I get to play with color, texture, and shaping. I can transform one thing (yarn) into another thing (something that vaguely resembles a sweater). I’m no longer a passive entity - I get to make stuff.

[My word, Laiane, your powers of observation are amazing. You must be the envy of your peers.]

Sarcastic and self-referential commentary aside, you can see where I’m headed. This “making stuff” business is new to me, and I’m getting quite addicted to it. I’ve got enough yarn and pattern ideas to last me a year — minimum. I’m still adding projects to my queue on Ravelry. I think I’ve come down from my last yarn buying spree, but I could be easily set off by a markdown on Malabrigo.

I have no willpower when confronted with a sale on good yarn.

A yep. Uninspired with blogging and sitting in front of computers, in any event. I’ll disabuse you of the notion that I’m out frolicking in the spring sunshine. I hate intensely dislike spring. I’m allergic to everything that even vaguely resembles plant life, so spring is not a Happy Time for me, and don’t even get me started on the “Mr. Sun is Not My Friend” speech.

Cranky blogger is cranky, too, come to think of it.

So, while I’m off Not Blogging I’m spending a lot of time on the sofa watching DVD’s and knitting my little heart out. I’ve got a Baby Project on the needles at the moment that I’m feeling compelled to work on because I don’t think that my pregnant co-worker — no matter how much she likes me — is willing to put off going into labor until I’ve finished.

And then there’s the Cavern Cardigan, and Stefanie Japel’s Cable-Down Raglan Sweater, and the Ysolda Teague Matilda Jane sweater, and the Back-To-School U-Neck Vest from Fitted Knits, etc., etc.

I’ve got my Knitting Mojo on.

I’ll come back soon with pictures. Promise.

It’s Furious Balancing is well-nigh tickled to death to be participating in the Kitty Knits Blog Tour.

I heard about Kitty Knits over at Ravelry on the Cat Knits Group and ordered my copy from Donna Druchunas right away. The description certainly piqued my interest:

Kitty Knits is the first knitting book entirely devoted to the funny, furry felines in our lives. Discover creative ways to knit up practical projects for kitties to love and cat-themed designs for owners to enjoy. Just like cat batting at a ball of yarn, it’s a perfect match. Over 20 projects feature items for cats, their people, and their homes — along with adorable photos of cats with their knitted treasures. Choose from toys, beds, mats, and more for cats, plus feline-inspired sweaters, hats, pillows, and bags for cat-loving knitters. Find projects in a variety of styles and skill levels, from felted designs to Fair Isle patterns.

Considering I’d already made three felted cat beds at this point in my knitting career, I knew this book would be a big hit at Laiane’s Cat House. Knitting and cats go together like Peanut Butter and Jelly. Abbot and Costello. Gin and Tonic. Sam and Frodo.

Well, you get the picture. I think Franklin described the Knitter/Cat Connection best:

Knitters, on the whole, enjoy the company of cats, some to the point of idolatry. Perhaps it’s the common bond of Yarn Fascination. I like the pretty string, you like the pretty string. Let’s be friends forever.

In any event, when I got my hot little hands on the book, I found several things I “just had to make.”

The first project was super-fast and yielded immediate gratification — the Felted Catnip Mice (who made their It’s Furious Balancing appearances here and here). I liked the mice because they gave me experience in a technique I hadn’t tried before – bobbles. It took me a while to get the hang of making bobbles, but I feel they’re a most excellent choice for felted mouse ears.

My next project, however, is going to take me longer to complete and will be my largest knitted object to date.. I fell in love with “The Cat” Afghan and knew I “just had to make it” as soon as I saw it. The center of the afghan is an easy lace pattern and the words for “the cat” in several languages are duplicate stitched around the borders.

Since I’m only 4 repeats into the lace pattern, I think Donna’s photograph gives you a better idea of the finished product. My afghan is currently bunched up on my 40” inch Lantern Moon Destiny needles and resembles ramen noodles more than anything else at the moment.

The afghan will give me experience in other new-to-me knitting techiniques: lace knitting, reading a chart, and duplicate stitch embroidery. Learning new knitting techniques makes my Inner Knitter jump up and down with happiness. I remember when I had a fear of double pointed needles, but I can’t do without them now.

But I digress.

I decided on Cascade 220 Superwash for the yarn. For the curious, the colors are Aran (817) for the body of the afghan and Gray (816) and Mocha (818) for the duplicate-stitched parts. My test swatch became even softer after a Eucalan bath and didn’t stretch out as much as other superwash wool I’ve worked with in the past.

When all is said and done and knitted and stitched, this will be a wonderful, cozy addition to my Knitting and Sitting Spot on the sofa. I’m sure I will get plenty of Cat Help breaking it in.

That’s my segue into the Cat Picture portion of today’s blog post. Since I’m sure there are a few first-time visitors here, bear with me while I introduce the four feline members of my household. If you’ve made it with me this far, you’re up for a few Cat Pictures.

The Grand Old Dame and Top Cat is Emma, a twelve-year old tuxedo cat with an attitude. The Husband and I call her She Who Must Be Obeyed. Yes, she almost always looks this disgruntled. She claims we don’t feed her enough.

Thomas, our marmalade tabby, is about 8 years old, a big cuddler, and perhaps the most photogenic of the bunch

Aaron and Christopher are the Recent Additions to Laiane’s Cat House. They came to us from The Ann Arbor Cat Clinic in December 2007. It’s been a while since I’ve had a kitten in the house, let alone two kittens - kittens who like to play Mouse Hockey in the upstairs hallway at 3:00 a.m. at that.

Here’s Aaron:

And here’s Kissy-Fur, er, Christopher:

My last word on Kitty Knits: The thing that impressed me the most was that Donna pointed out the dangers of cats eating string and gave clear warnings in the projects that called for eyelash yarn. Not “tucked away in the fine print” warnings, but separate text boxes saying that kitties can be seriously injured (and even die) from eating strings. It’s not a pleasant subject to think about as a cat owner, but an important one (especially for knitters).

Thank you, Donna. Our Cat Critics give Kitty Knits a rating of Four Thumbs Paws Up!

Tomorrow, March 4th, is my day in the spotlight for the Kitty Knits Book Blog Tour. I’ve been working on a long-ish post and hope to have it up for your reading enjoyment some time in the evening. Cats! Yarn! Cats and Yarn Together! Stay tuned!

When I started this blog some 14 months ago, I didn’t imagine that it would turn into a knitting blog. Technically, it isn’t, if only because there are a few posts that don’t even address knitting at all.

There are plenty of other topics I would like to write about, but they are either (a) poorly-formed with no satisfying resolution or, (b) work-related and thus dealing with Other People and privacy issues and suchlike and so on.

Topic (a) would include the media’s utter irresponsibility in reporting the Northern Illinois University shooting from the “mentally ill gunman who stopped taking his medication” angle. That is offensive on so many levels, the primary one being that a person described as “normal,” “intelligent,” with “no red flags” is being tarred with the rather broad brush that not only stigmatizes people who take prescription psychotropic medication — such as myself — but also offers an oversimplified, pat answer that the American Public will swallow whole without stopping to think.

Surprise, surprise.

Topic (b) would include my belief that - despite all the jokes about unscrupulous lawyers — the most unethical people who walk into our office are clients, not attorneys. I work with estate planning, probate, and trust administration issues, and I often say that I’ve seen it all when it comes to the intrafamilial squabbles after a death (e.g., “Uncle Henry’s dead! Who gets his stuff?!”). The particular estate I have in mind at the moment involves outright fraud — intentionally concealing assets from other beneficiaries and intentionally misdirecting assets intended for charitable purposes into their own pockets. And people say attorneys are shysters? ‘Nuff said.

<deep breath>

So let’s talk about knitting, shall we? It’s a lot less complicated than Real Life. Most of the time, anyway.

I’ve been slogging along on the Malabrigo top-down raglan sweater and have a progress picture for you:

Again, not a good picture by any set of standards, but it gives you an idea of how far I’ve come along. I’m just starting the k1p1 ribbing at the bottom, and I’ll probably give that 3 to 4 inches. The collar looks too small/too tight in this photo, but that’s more k1p1 ribbing; trust me, I can get this over my head without any problems.

Today, Groundhog’s Day, is also the Feast of St. Brigid. I conveniently forgot this little factoid until I saw other bloggers posting about the Silent Poetry Reading that has taken place for the past three years. Even though the event has caught me by surprise — yet again — I’ll contribute a poem this time around.

It’s from a book a poetry given to me by one of my favorite college professors, Conrad Hilberry. I had Dr. Hilberry for classes in 17th century literature and creative writing - poetry (I was a teaching assistant for him in the same poetry class the following year). Con was a very gentle and kind professor; I remember that he wrote his comments on our papers in pencil since red ink looked too harsh. He gave me a fine appreciation for the written word (and John Milton, especially).

The book was Louise Gluck’s The House on Marshland, and I’ve loved the following poem ever since Con gave me the slim volume back in 1985.

——————————————

Gretel in Darkness

This is the world we wanted.
All who would have seen us dead
are dead. I hear the witch’s cry
break in the moonlight through a sheet
of sugar: God rewards.
Her tongue shrivels into gas . . .

Now, far from women’s arms
and memory of women, in our father’s hut
we sleep, are never hungry.
Why do I not forget?
My father bars the door, bars harm
from this house, and it is years.

No one remembers. Even you, my brother,
summer afternoons you look at me as though
you meant to leave,
as though it never happened.
But I killed for you. I see armed firs,
the spires of that gleaming kiln–

Nights I turn to you to hold me
but you are not there.
Am I alone? Spies
hiss in the stillness, Hansel,
we are there still and it is real, real,
that black forest and the fire in earnest.

I was just thinking this morning that I am in Danger of Perpetuating Stereotypes. Not only am I tottering right on the edge of Crazy Cat Lady — what with four cats now and getting a repetitive stress injury in my hands from working on the fourth, yes, fourth, Kitty Pi, not to mention a Kitty Pi made out of Malabrigo, for all love — I’m also well on my way to being a full-fledged, dyed-in-the-wool Knitting Nerd.

Ok, ok. I was a nerd to begin with; I won’t argue with you. It’s just that I have recently realized the depth of my Knitting Lunacy Fixation, and it wasn’t with my blithe and casual use of Malabrigo in the making of a Kitty Pi.

No, the realization dawned when I thought about my reaction to Franklin coming to ThreadBear for his 1,000 Knitters Project.

I think I stopped breathing for a moment.

I’ve been wanting to go visit ThreadBear for a while, and the idea of finally being able to meet one of my favorite bloggers and actually participate in 1,000 Knitters just had me bouncing up and down in my chair with glee — once I started breathing again, that is.

I just hope I don’t go all Fan Grrrrl/Blogstalker on the man.

I like lists. I don’t self-identify as an obsessive list-maker, but I can say that, in general, I like lists. I like crossing things off my “Things to Do” list. I like adding things to my “Things to Do” list after I have already done them for the sheer pleasure of crossing them off. I like going over to listography and reading other peoples’ lists; it’s like eavesdropping, in a way.

I read Crazy Aunt Purl’s blog about her Big List of 100 Things to Do Before I Die. I’m not up to concocting my own list of 100 things – unless they could be along the lines of “Travel to 99 different locations” and “Re-read A la recherché de temps perdu.” I do feel, however, that I can name 12 things to do over the course of the next year. Twelve concrete, targeted, measurable things. Believe me when I tell you that this will be far more entertaining than my coming up with any New Year’s Resolutions.

12 Things to Do in 2008 (in no particular order)

1. Floss. Complete the paperwork for the University of Tennessee’s Department of Forensic Anthropology so I may rest at The Body Farm after my death. For the squeamish, let’s just say that I plan on donating my body to science. For people who may want a tad more information, check out this article from Wired.
2. Read Shelby Foote’s The Civil War: A Narrative (three volumes, people!) and Winston Churchill’s The Second World War. Both of these have been on my to-be-read pile for far too long. I admit that my to-be-read pile is not so much a “pile” as a “bookcase.” See Item 7 below.
3. Keep a daily handwritten diary. I don’t mean a diary heavy on the emotional introspection, but rather one in which I keep daily observations, ideas to appear on this blog, quotes, resources, notes about patterns in my pain levels, u.s.w. I bought a Moleskine Pocket Weekly Planner for this particular purpose.
4. Box up the unwanted/unneeded household items and clothes in the basement and either (a) donate them to charity, or (b) have a garage sale. When The Husband and I moved in together, I put most of my kitchen stuff in the basement. I’ve dug out a cookie sheet or two; other than that, the kitchen stuff remains untouched. There are several other boxes down there that can be sorted and redirected. I’ve discovered that getting rid of “stuff” and “de-cluttering” is extremely liberating.
5. Finalize and sign my will. I have worked in an offshoot of the Death Care Industry as a probate and estate planning legal secretary for 15 years and I haven’t signed my will yet. This is embarrassing.
6. Pay down a minimum of $3,600 on my credit card debt. Paying $300.00 per month is more than do-able. I’ve been making monthly payments in the $400-$500 range for some time now, and I’ve stopped charging new purchases to the cards (unless I plan on paying the balance off in full each month). I’m going to get defensive here and loudly declare that I don’t have an unmanageable or onerous amount of personal debt – and I have a credit rating to die for – but I do want to get that debt paid down.
7. Complete my catalog of books on LibraryThing. To be honest, this catalog will never be complete in the true sense of the word. It will never be finished. I will never have every single one of my books entered and tagged. I am always smuggling new books into the house; some are cataloged right away, some go on the shelves right away, and some linger in ever-growing piles in my living room, bedroom, and study. I find these piles of book comforting, in some small way — but that’s another blog post.
8. Finish my Cats of Ulthar mod for Morrowind. I have three of the four cats finished, and I’ve been hung up on the last one because I can’t seem to come up with any ideas outside of a “retrieve an item from an NPC by combat” quest. Trite. Boring. An unfinished Morrowind mod isn’t much better, so I need must carry on.
9. Take a one-week vacation in a fabulous American city – one I haven’t been to before — and act like a complete and utter Tourist Dork. I keep telling myself that I need to get back to Paris, but I’ve been to Paris twice now. It’s time for something different. Right now, I’m thinking about Seattle or San Francisco.
10. Clean and remodel/redecorate one room in the house. We’ve been in our house for six or seven years now (tempus fugit), and while there are a lot of structural home improvements that need to be done, I would really like to do some painting and sprucing up. I don’t need my house to look like it came from the pages of Architectural Digest – I like the lived-in, shabby chic vibe – but I would like to have a house that doesn’t look like we moved in last week and haven’t had time to unpack. I need to have A Chat with The Husband about which room we’ll remodel, so that’s why it’s currently unspecified.
11. Knit Ice Queen. I have wanted to attempt lace knitting for some time, and this project might finally inspire me. It may be beyond my knitting skill level, but it’s just so stinkin’ gorgeous I have to give it the Old College Try. I have a few lacy scarfs on my Ravelry queue, but they can’t hold a candle to Ice Queen. I’ve never done lace and I have never knit with beads. This may just kill me, so I will need to complete Items 1 and 5 before this.
12. Watch three NetFlix movies a month - minimum. I pay for it every month, I may as well get my butt in gear and start watching the films and TV shows in my queue.

Whew! I think I’m done with my words — for the moment. Further bulletins as events warrant.

Well, let me show you one in any event:

I am working on a longer blog post, having noticed my very short entries over the course of this month. Even though I am a devout believer of Blogging Without Obligation, I need to churn out some words and get them out of my head. I’m on my way into a four-day weekend, so there will be words, words, words headed this way.

Enjoy your LOLCat Friday!

Today, out here in the Innernets, is a day for child-free women bloggers to stand up — as much as one can stand up in the Innernets — and be counted. For a reason I have not yet uncovered, child-free women are “Purple Women.” I’ll get to the bottom of this color choice eventually, but right now I must admit that I’m stumped.

In any event, as a Child-Free By Choice Woman — who looks better in blue than in purple, thankyouverymuch — I’m doing my part. Here I am, cats and kittens, thinking about my child-free existence. I’m seeing other women talking about being “invisible” or feeling as though they “do not count” in some way, and I am mightily puzzled.

I’m not discounting their feelings — don’t get me wrong. It’s just that I’ve always been forthright about my decision not to have children. Me? Invisible? Not in the slightest.

EDIT/FOLLOW-UP — This post clarified the “invisibility” question for me, specifically her statement, “We might be ‘invisible’ to the demographers and blogspots that prefer the money leaking mommy demographic over the inscrutable childfrees, but again, so what? I’m here. I speak, I write, I have an opinion. I have time to do positive stuff. I have dreams I seek to make reality, which include serving my ‘invisible’ demographic, my sisters who have also eschewed kids- creating a place where we can share our own rich lives.”

I believe the question of “invisibility” first came up in a child-free group wanting equal time or consideration in an online venue for all women. Again, I’m assuming here, so I could be wrong. I don’t feel the need to spend time in venues that are Made for Mommies. I intentionally avoid groups that cater to Mommies. Not that I feel I’m missing a great deal by doing so; I would sooner have a romantic dinner date at Chuck E. Cheez. I know there have been issues over at Ravelry with The Mommies being offended by the mere existence of a Child Free By Choice group. Someone, somewhere, doesn’t love their pwecious-wecious liddle babies! For shame! Ban ‘em!

I’m having a flashback to my first husband’s mother asking me in the receiving line at our wedding when I was going to be having children. My reply? “Never. Is ‘never’ okay with you?” Not that I was asking her permission, mind you. I was just making it clear - in no uncertain terms - that she was way out of line.

I’m getting a headache trying to think of an instance when I felt “invisible” as a Child-Free by Choice Woman. It hasn’t happened. The issue of whether or not to have children is a non-issue. When hearing my responses to their (rude) questions of why I don’t want children — “I have better things to do with my time” or “Why on earth would I want to do that?” — most folks get the hint that it’s not up for debate and don’t pursue the topic.

For all you judgmental Breeders out there clucking your tongues over my “selfishness,” please post in the comments section all of your highly altruistic reasons for whelping having kids. That is, if you can think of a single one. All of the “reasons” for having children that I’ve ever heard certainly don’t fit that definition. To have someone take care of you in your old age? To pass on your family name and traditions? To give your mother a grandchild? Fail, Fail, and Fail. To have something to love? Fail. To have something love you? Epic Fail. You’re just as “selfish” as I am.

Don’t ask me why I don’t want to have children. Ask yourselves why you feel the need to have them. Ask yourselves why you feel the need to inflict your view on me.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to enjoy my peaceful, child-free home. Rest assured that I shall relish every minute of it.

I read a lot of knitting blogs, but one of my all-time favorites is Franklin Habit’s The Panopticon. Not only is Franklin a talented knitter, he is an excellent writer with a superb wit.

About a month ago, he posted a contest on his blog that piqued my interest — a Look-Alike Contest for Dolores van Hoofen.

Explaining exactly who Dolores is is beyond my meager talents. A fictional creation? An imaginary friend? A sassy ewe with a taste for cocktails and male exotic dancers? You really need to discover Dolores for yourself.

In any event, I present my entry in the Look Alike Contest. Alas, the fine print on the rules says that sheep are ineligible (union restrictions or somesuch). I sent Franklin my pictures anyway in the hope that he would be amused by my efforts. I hope they’ll amuse you, too.

Her glasses and handbag are made out of Fimo, and I hand-placed those Swarovski crystals with teeny-tiny tweezers. I found the pink feather boa at JoAnn’s in the kids’ crafts aisle, and the yarn is just odds and ends from my stash. The Husband contributed the Woman’s Day magazine peeking out of her handbag; it’s a leftover from a model or a dollhouse (can’t recall exactly). I did buy a few ounces of Leicester roving at the Washtenaw Fiber Festival for her hair, but I thought it made her look “too busy,” so I left it out.

All she needs is a cigarette holder and a cloche hat, and she would be perfect. The model, that is. I’m certain Dolores’ self-esteem is pretty high were I to meet her “in the wool.”

Baaaaaaaa.

A Few Things I Need:

1. I need to stop seeing the phrase “threw up in my mouth a little” on blogs and blog comments. Not only is it a disgusting image, it is trite, people. I was shocked when I saw Wendy use it over at Knit and Tonic (since she seems to be much classier than that), and I was dumbfounded to see it in the comments on Franklin’s blog (since his readers seem to be much classier than that, too.) Well, on Franklin’s blog it was used in response to Ann Coulter, and if anything is going to make me throw up in my mouth a little, it’s Ann Coulter. Or the Bush administration. Or cooked raisins. Anyhow… where was I? Oh, yes, throwing up in your mouth. Keep it to yourselves, cats and kittens, and when you do decide to go through with it, I hope you inhale particles of vomitus and come down with a fatal case of aspiration pneumonia, thereby making this world a better place.

2. I need to finish that damned sweater. I’ve been working on it since July, for crying out loud. Once I finish That Damned Sweater, I can start swatching for the next Damned Sweater.

3. I need pain killers that work, or I need to stop being in pain. I’ll take either. I’m flexible with this one.

4. I need to figure out what the heck is going on with my Morrowind mods (and yes, I’ve used Wrye Mash to clean my saves). Mods that have worked just swimmingly before now don’t work at all — No Shield Effect and Delayed Dark Brotherhood Attacks are two that readily come to mind. I’m thinking there’s something wrong with the scripts.  I hate working with scripts and, no, I’m not explaining any of this to any non-gamers here. Your eyes would glaze over.

5. I (well, WE) need to go grocery shopping. We have reached dangerously low levels of cat food, kitty litter, toilet paper, laundry soap, and food. We’re down to the canned soup and ramen noodles. It’s getting ugly. We also need Halloween candy, maybe even a bag or two for the trick-or-treaters. Miniature Butterfingers sound very good to me right now.

6. I need yarn.

7. I need to figure out how I’m going to sneak a spinning wheel plant stand and a herd of sheep philodendron into HunterXan’s house.

8. I need a pair of rhinestone-encrusted cats-eye sunglasses, a cigarette holder, a Bella Abzug wig, and a highly-cooperative sheep. I’m not explaining this one, either.

9. I need to sit in that lovely courtyard café Bwecca and I discovered on the Ile de la Cite with a bottle of red wine, several pain de chocolate, and a starving artist/jazz saxophonist named Jacques The Husband.

10. I need new underwear, more bookcases, yarn, more than 24 hours in the day to get all the things done that I want to get done, yarn, cat snorgling, and a pedicure — not necessarily in that order. Oh, and a nap. And a pony. And throw in some World Peace while you’re at it.

I’m fairly easy to please. No acrylic. Kthanxbye.

Octopus Knits — a frequent commenter here — was kind enough to call me a

I love reading her blog. She’s a very talented knitter, and her “cats wearing knitwear” photos are downright hysterical.

In honor of the hot pink button, I’ll also post a “in progress” pic of the hot pink Tempting Sweater. They almost match!

I also want to respond to her birthday meme, but I know I will want to type a lot more than I’m up for today. I’m still bouncing back from the awful pain on Sunday and want to crawl into my hidey hole with my computer and chocolate ice cream.

Well, that and I’m winding up the Morrowind quest to have the last of the four Ashlander tribes nominate me the Nerevarine. Then it’s off to Vivec to meet with the Archcanon and demonstrate that I’m not a heretic, etc., etc.

Never a dull moment around here.