It’s Furious Balancing

Gold stars and special bonus points awarded to those of you who know the literary allusion from the title of this post without Google.

But anyway.

I’ve been completely lost for blog post topics. There have been a few ideas flitting around my head, but nothing that takes on actual substance. I’m chalking it all up to my Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder. I’m looking at the months of June, July, and August as being similar to a prison sentence; there’s a part of me that wants to “x” out each day on the calendar with a black Sharpie. I’m about ready to dig out Apsley Cherry-Garrard’s The Worst Journey in the World, crank the air conditioning, and camp out on our sofa until the leaves start to turn and I feel like a normal human being. A relatively normal human being, that is.

You’re going to have to bear with me until I have the energy to think and compose coherent sentences. You may have to put up with a few memes and a LOLCat or two in the interim.

I’ll be back. Before September. I hope.

A few things have kept me from blogging, the primary one being Lack of Content. And boredom. And Screaming Sinus Headaches That Make Laiane Rail Against that Powers-That-Be about Why He/She/They Had to Create Pollen. Inefficient system, if you ask me, but I suppose I will let it slide because there are some parts of the Grand Design which are much more elegant, like Conservation of Energy and Matter and Thermodynamics and such. Oh, and cats. I approve of cats. Very graceful creatures.

In any event, there was some major excitement going down on Friday when the Yarn Harlot made her Ann Arbor appearance to promote her new book, Things I’ve Learned From Knitting (Whether I Wanted To or Not).

I’ve been a fan of the Harlot’s blog for many months, and she is just as witty in person as she is online and in her books. It’s hard to explain to a non-knitter that there truly is such a thing as “knitting humor,” but the Harlot had 150 knitters laughing uproariously with her vignettes on the Ridiculous Things Non-Knitters Say to Knitters. If you’re a knitter, you know. The “patience” line. The “time to knit” line. The “You know, you can buy socks in a store” line.

The Harlot is a class act. She took the time to stay and sign everyone’s books (all 300 some of us), and pose for pictures.

That’s my good friend and knitting buddy, HunterXan.

And here’s me:

Click the pictures for larger images. That blue amorphous mass the Harlot is holding is my current knitting project. It’s the Knitted Baby Thing for my Pregnant Co-Worker. Since it’s an Amorphous Blob, I’m pretty sure my friend won’t be able to identify it from this picture. It’s the Elizabeth Zimmerman Knitted Baby Thing that every knitter makes at some point, and the Harlot was able to name it from 10 feet away.

In any event, the Knitted Baby Thing is almost done. I hope to finish it today, so it’s time for coffee and yarn!

Every year for the past 8-10 years, I’ve given up buying books for Lent, and every Easter Sunday for the past 5-7 years, I’ve gotten up at dawn and logged onto amazon.com to break my fast.

This year’s selections are:

• The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream, by Barack Obama
• How to Cook a Wolf, M. F. K. Fisher
• Something from the Oven: Reinventing Dinner in 1950’s America, Laura Shapiro
• Moleskine City Notebook: Seattle

Every Easter morning after my book buying spree, I sit and write a check for an equivalent amount to a charitable organization. Lent isn’t just about self-denial — it’s about almsgiving. So what, Laiane, if you’ve not bought a book in 40 days; what have you done for other people?

This year, my donation was to Doctors Without Borders/Medecins Sans Frontieres.

Welcome back, Jesus. Pass the Cadbury Creme Eggs.

It’s Furious Balancing is well-nigh tickled to death to be participating in the Kitty Knits Blog Tour.

I heard about Kitty Knits over at Ravelry on the Cat Knits Group and ordered my copy from Donna Druchunas right away. The description certainly piqued my interest:

Kitty Knits is the first knitting book entirely devoted to the funny, furry felines in our lives. Discover creative ways to knit up practical projects for kitties to love and cat-themed designs for owners to enjoy. Just like cat batting at a ball of yarn, it’s a perfect match. Over 20 projects feature items for cats, their people, and their homes — along with adorable photos of cats with their knitted treasures. Choose from toys, beds, mats, and more for cats, plus feline-inspired sweaters, hats, pillows, and bags for cat-loving knitters. Find projects in a variety of styles and skill levels, from felted designs to Fair Isle patterns.

Considering I’d already made three felted cat beds at this point in my knitting career, I knew this book would be a big hit at Laiane’s Cat House. Knitting and cats go together like Peanut Butter and Jelly. Abbot and Costello. Gin and Tonic. Sam and Frodo.

Well, you get the picture. I think Franklin described the Knitter/Cat Connection best:

Knitters, on the whole, enjoy the company of cats, some to the point of idolatry. Perhaps it’s the common bond of Yarn Fascination. I like the pretty string, you like the pretty string. Let’s be friends forever.

In any event, when I got my hot little hands on the book, I found several things I “just had to make.”

The first project was super-fast and yielded immediate gratification — the Felted Catnip Mice (who made their It’s Furious Balancing appearances here and here). I liked the mice because they gave me experience in a technique I hadn’t tried before – bobbles. It took me a while to get the hang of making bobbles, but I feel they’re a most excellent choice for felted mouse ears.

My next project, however, is going to take me longer to complete and will be my largest knitted object to date.. I fell in love with “The Cat” Afghan and knew I “just had to make it” as soon as I saw it. The center of the afghan is an easy lace pattern and the words for “the cat” in several languages are duplicate stitched around the borders.

Since I’m only 4 repeats into the lace pattern, I think Donna’s photograph gives you a better idea of the finished product. My afghan is currently bunched up on my 40” inch Lantern Moon Destiny needles and resembles ramen noodles more than anything else at the moment.

The afghan will give me experience in other new-to-me knitting techiniques: lace knitting, reading a chart, and duplicate stitch embroidery. Learning new knitting techniques makes my Inner Knitter jump up and down with happiness. I remember when I had a fear of double pointed needles, but I can’t do without them now.

But I digress.

I decided on Cascade 220 Superwash for the yarn. For the curious, the colors are Aran (817) for the body of the afghan and Gray (816) and Mocha (818) for the duplicate-stitched parts. My test swatch became even softer after a Eucalan bath and didn’t stretch out as much as other superwash wool I’ve worked with in the past.

When all is said and done and knitted and stitched, this will be a wonderful, cozy addition to my Knitting and Sitting Spot on the sofa. I’m sure I will get plenty of Cat Help breaking it in.

That’s my segue into the Cat Picture portion of today’s blog post. Since I’m sure there are a few first-time visitors here, bear with me while I introduce the four feline members of my household. If you’ve made it with me this far, you’re up for a few Cat Pictures.

The Grand Old Dame and Top Cat is Emma, a twelve-year old tuxedo cat with an attitude. The Husband and I call her She Who Must Be Obeyed. Yes, she almost always looks this disgruntled. She claims we don’t feed her enough.

Thomas, our marmalade tabby, is about 8 years old, a big cuddler, and perhaps the most photogenic of the bunch

Aaron and Christopher are the Recent Additions to Laiane’s Cat House. They came to us from The Ann Arbor Cat Clinic in December 2007. It’s been a while since I’ve had a kitten in the house, let alone two kittens - kittens who like to play Mouse Hockey in the upstairs hallway at 3:00 a.m. at that.

Here’s Aaron:

And here’s Kissy-Fur, er, Christopher:

My last word on Kitty Knits: The thing that impressed me the most was that Donna pointed out the dangers of cats eating string and gave clear warnings in the projects that called for eyelash yarn. Not “tucked away in the fine print” warnings, but separate text boxes saying that kitties can be seriously injured (and even die) from eating strings. It’s not a pleasant subject to think about as a cat owner, but an important one (especially for knitters).

Thank you, Donna. Our Cat Critics give Kitty Knits a rating of Four Thumbs Paws Up!

Tomorrow, March 4th, is my day in the spotlight for the Kitty Knits Book Blog Tour. I’ve been working on a long-ish post and hope to have it up for your reading enjoyment some time in the evening. Cats! Yarn! Cats and Yarn Together! Stay tuned!

I like lists. I don’t self-identify as an obsessive list-maker, but I can say that, in general, I like lists. I like crossing things off my “Things to Do” list. I like adding things to my “Things to Do” list after I have already done them for the sheer pleasure of crossing them off. I like going over to listography and reading other peoples’ lists; it’s like eavesdropping, in a way.

I read Crazy Aunt Purl’s blog about her Big List of 100 Things to Do Before I Die. I’m not up to concocting my own list of 100 things – unless they could be along the lines of “Travel to 99 different locations” and “Re-read A la recherché de temps perdu.” I do feel, however, that I can name 12 things to do over the course of the next year. Twelve concrete, targeted, measurable things. Believe me when I tell you that this will be far more entertaining than my coming up with any New Year’s Resolutions.

12 Things to Do in 2008 (in no particular order)

1. Floss. Complete the paperwork for the University of Tennessee’s Department of Forensic Anthropology so I may rest at The Body Farm after my death. For the squeamish, let’s just say that I plan on donating my body to science. For people who may want a tad more information, check out this article from Wired.
2. Read Shelby Foote’s The Civil War: A Narrative (three volumes, people!) and Winston Churchill’s The Second World War. Both of these have been on my to-be-read pile for far too long. I admit that my to-be-read pile is not so much a “pile” as a “bookcase.” See Item 7 below.
3. Keep a daily handwritten diary. I don’t mean a diary heavy on the emotional introspection, but rather one in which I keep daily observations, ideas to appear on this blog, quotes, resources, notes about patterns in my pain levels, u.s.w. I bought a Moleskine Pocket Weekly Planner for this particular purpose.
4. Box up the unwanted/unneeded household items and clothes in the basement and either (a) donate them to charity, or (b) have a garage sale. When The Husband and I moved in together, I put most of my kitchen stuff in the basement. I’ve dug out a cookie sheet or two; other than that, the kitchen stuff remains untouched. There are several other boxes down there that can be sorted and redirected. I’ve discovered that getting rid of “stuff” and “de-cluttering” is extremely liberating.
5. Finalize and sign my will. I have worked in an offshoot of the Death Care Industry as a probate and estate planning legal secretary for 15 years and I haven’t signed my will yet. This is embarrassing.
6. Pay down a minimum of $3,600 on my credit card debt. Paying $300.00 per month is more than do-able. I’ve been making monthly payments in the $400-$500 range for some time now, and I’ve stopped charging new purchases to the cards (unless I plan on paying the balance off in full each month). I’m going to get defensive here and loudly declare that I don’t have an unmanageable or onerous amount of personal debt – and I have a credit rating to die for – but I do want to get that debt paid down.
7. Complete my catalog of books on LibraryThing. To be honest, this catalog will never be complete in the true sense of the word. It will never be finished. I will never have every single one of my books entered and tagged. I am always smuggling new books into the house; some are cataloged right away, some go on the shelves right away, and some linger in ever-growing piles in my living room, bedroom, and study. I find these piles of book comforting, in some small way — but that’s another blog post.
8. Finish my Cats of Ulthar mod for Morrowind. I have three of the four cats finished, and I’ve been hung up on the last one because I can’t seem to come up with any ideas outside of a “retrieve an item from an NPC by combat” quest. Trite. Boring. An unfinished Morrowind mod isn’t much better, so I need must carry on.
9. Take a one-week vacation in a fabulous American city – one I haven’t been to before — and act like a complete and utter Tourist Dork. I keep telling myself that I need to get back to Paris, but I’ve been to Paris twice now. It’s time for something different. Right now, I’m thinking about Seattle or San Francisco.
10. Clean and remodel/redecorate one room in the house. We’ve been in our house for six or seven years now (tempus fugit), and while there are a lot of structural home improvements that need to be done, I would really like to do some painting and sprucing up. I don’t need my house to look like it came from the pages of Architectural Digest – I like the lived-in, shabby chic vibe – but I would like to have a house that doesn’t look like we moved in last week and haven’t had time to unpack. I need to have A Chat with The Husband about which room we’ll remodel, so that’s why it’s currently unspecified.
11. Knit Ice Queen. I have wanted to attempt lace knitting for some time, and this project might finally inspire me. It may be beyond my knitting skill level, but it’s just so stinkin’ gorgeous I have to give it the Old College Try. I have a few lacy scarfs on my Ravelry queue, but they can’t hold a candle to Ice Queen. I’ve never done lace and I have never knit with beads. This may just kill me, so I will need to complete Items 1 and 5 before this.
12. Watch three NetFlix movies a month - minimum. I pay for it every month, I may as well get my butt in gear and start watching the films and TV shows in my queue.

Whew! I think I’m done with my words — for the moment. Further bulletins as events warrant.

But this isn’t a LOLCat, technically speaking. No caption, you know. Just a cute, seasonal picture.

I’m still feeling rotten and ever so slightly overwhelmed at the office. Knitting and looking at cute animal pictures helps, almost as good as Wellbutrin, miniature Butterfingers, and reading Jane Austen (I’m done with Pride and Prejudice and have almost finished Emma; Mansfield Park or Sense and Sensibility is next).

I do promise to get pictures up soon of my finished Tempting sweater. I finished it last Friday evening, but have not had a chance for photographs yet. I need natural lighting and to be in reasonable health. I’m hoping these events will coincide this weekend. It does look like it will be one of those glorious autumn weekends — sunny and in the 50’s. It’s also the end of Daylight Savings Time, so there’s an extra hour of sleep in there, too. Thankyouthankyouthankyou.

[I told you I would find a topic that would set me off, didn't I?]

I’ve heard that opinions are like assholes anuses. Everyone has one, but that doesn’t mean I need yours shoved in my face.

I’m about to go off on one of my screeds. If you don’t care for my asshole anus opinion, I’m giving you the opportunity to stop reading now. I suggest you go visit this web site and overdose on the extreme unctuousness of pwecious widdle bunny wabbits (with accompanying nauseatingly cute commentary).

Still with me?

Today’s diatribe is brought to you by Mason Dixon Knitting: The Curious Knitters’ Guide.

Now, I won’t say that this is a completely useless book. It is just about the right thickness to prop underneath the leg of a wobbly restaurant table (but is, alas, too lightweight to make an effective doorstop).

In terms of actual knitting patterns, it is a 90% useless book. Out of the 25-30 so-called patterns, there are only 3 that I would consider making. The vast majority of the other patterns fall into what I deem “Mommy Knitting.”

Yes, if you consider making a garter stitch rag rug on size 35 needles out of potholder loops the epitome of The Craft, this is the book for you. Don’t believe me? It’s on page 95.

People, I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.

We’ve got garter stitch baby sweaters (pg. 23) and garter stitch barf burp cloths and bibs (pgs. 132 and 133). We’ve got the Fugliest Blankets Known to Mankind (pgs. 84 and 108, the Flying Geese Blanket and Mitered Square Blanket respectively). I’m inserting a small photograph of the Mitered Square below. Click for large, but I must advise you that it’s small on this page for a very good reason. I suggest wearing sunglasses.

I attempted to find a photograph of the Flying Geese Blanket, but all the photos I saw on Flickr were “all rights reserved,” which means I can’t use them here on my blog. This is probably for the best; they were seriously ugly.

There are a Few Things that Pretend to Be Lace, such as the Bubbly Curtain (pg. 46) and the Decayed Tutu Scarf (pg. 115). “Decayed Tutu Scarf” is really its name, not one of my sarcastic, made-up ones. The name is apt, sadly so.

Unless you count shawls — which I don’t — there are exactly two, count ‘em, TWO adult garments: The Mason-Dixon After-Dark Robe and The Mason-Dixon After-Dark Nightie (pgs 50 through 53). I suppose we should count ourselves lucky that they stooped to make these out of Louet Sales Euroflax instead of dishcloth cotton.

The copy on the inside flap of the dust jacket says that “Mason Dixon Knitting is a collection of unbelievable patterns.”

They got that right. The only thing this smarmy piece of faux homespun goodness lacks is a crochet pattern for a cover for the spare roll of toilet paper shaped like a hoop-skirted Southern Belle.

Well, that and a recipe for Tater Tot Casserole made with cream of mushroom soup and Cheese Wiz, but we have the Innernets for that.

I like to think that I have wide-ranging, eclectic tastes — computer gaming, knitting, an appreciation of Twinkies and aerosol cheese (not concomitantly), and least not of all, good books. Yet, I find it disconcerting when I go to a gaming blog to find an article about the works of Jane Austen.

The original article appears here and the gist of it is that a writer in England took some chapters from a few of Austen’s books, changed the names, and submitted them to 18 different literary agents and publishing houses. Not only were the chapters rejected – if he got a response at all – only one of the responders was able to identify the work as Austen’s.

Now, I realize that not everyone has read Pride and Prejudice, but we’re talking about BOOK PEOPLE in ENGLAND for God’s sake, not stereotypical male gamers who are quick to label any book and/or movie as “boring” if it doesn’t contain car chases, tits, explosions, lasers, computer-generated special effects, tits, aliens, mutant vampires, tits, Klingons, psychotic Vietnam vets toting flamethrowers, tits, or Jean-Claude Van Damme. The director who makes a movie with mutant Klingon vampires carrying flamethrowers who may or may not be the PTSD-induced hallucinations of Jean-Claude Van Damme can nail this demographic and laugh his or her butt off all the way to the bank, but only if there are plenty of boudacious ta-tas involved.

But I digress.

This isn’t the first time I’ve had my old fart response of “What is the world coming to?” Far from it. But how often does one have the opportunity to mention Jane Austen, tits, and Klingons together in the same blog post?

 

I have determined that it is, indeed, possible to get a hangover from overindulging in books.

The Husband and I came home from our Saturday shopping to find an amazon.com box on our doorstep with Books Six and Seven of the Harry Potter series, and I vanished for the rest of the weekend, finishing Book Seven around 12:30 a.m. on Sunday night. I’m estimating 1,500 pages in less than two days.

I think I hurt myself.

I’m in the process of re-reading Book Five at the moment, and I will then go through Books Six and Seven again. Since I flew through them at the speed of sound, I’m certain I missed many details. Plot, for instance.

A few (spoiler-free) observations:

• The Harry Potter fans — the ones I know both on the Internet and in Real Life — have been fabulous. Several people commented how they wished they could be reading the books again for the first time since they remembered how exciting it all was. They never talked about spoilers, and if they were posting online, they gave ample warning they were about to do so, like STOP READING NOW. Part of their fun in sharing the story with me was watching as the plot revealed itself and I put the pieces together or speculated on the fates of certain characters. I know I amused one of my co-workers no end with my hypotheses on Dumbledore and Snape.
  
• My favorite Hogwart’s student was Neville Longbottom. Even though I hate to say this (because it’s such a trite expression), he definitely “grew” the most during the course of the seven books. In terms of my least favorite, I would have to say Pansy Parkinson in Slytherin House, mainly because she seemed more like a cardboard cutout than a real character to me. I mean, we were offered little glimpses of the personality or family life of other minor characters (Lee Jordan, Seamus, Dean), but we only saw Pansy laughing maliciously at other students.
  
• I haven’t quite figured out Snape yet. I knew by Book Four that there was more to him than meets the eye, and I was surprised by the revelations in Book Seven about him as a young boy, but there are still missing pieces. I’m sure those missing pieces are all in the text; that’s just what happens when I read so quickly. I’m thinking he would qualify as my favorite Hogwart’s professor. McGonagall and Hagrid were cool in their own way, but Snape had a certain je ne sais qua.
  

• Ravenclaw needed a better representative than Luna Lovegood. It’s not that Luna was a bad example; I just don’t recall seeing a Ravenclaw student that exemplified their House’s emphasis on intellect. I was always sorted into Ravenclaw in the umpteen online quizes/memes I took.

The sorting hat says that I belong in Ravenclaw!



Said Ravenclaw, “We’ll teach those whose intelligence is surest.”

Ravenclaw students tend to be clever, witty, intelligent, and knowledgeable.
Notable residents include Cho Chang and Padma Patil (objects of Harry and Ron’s affections), and Luna Lovegood (daughter of The Quibbler magazine’s editor).

Take the most scientific Harry Potter
Quiz ever created.

 

Hogwarts Sorting Hat: Based on Myers-Briggs Personality Typing

 

You are a RAVENCLAW!As a Ravenclaw and as an NTP, you are intellectual, independent, and value excellence in yourself and in those around you. You have a strong sense of curiosity, and in general can see many aspects of a single issue or debate. You have a strong drive to acquire knowledge and set very high standards for yourself and those around you. You enjoy being challenged, and can accept constructive criticism without taking it personally. You are probably at least somewhat unconventional, and will not usually follow authority for its own sake; instead, you will consider the issue at hand and make a decision for yourself.
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |
Join

In any event, it’s almost Caturday here, so that means you lucky folks get a Friday LOLCat. I’ve had this one for quite a while, but never had a reason to post it. It’s one of my all-time favorites.

Have a splendiferous Friday, cats and kittens.

I will admit, despite my earlier reservations and protestations to the contrary, that I am enjoying the Harry Potter series. “Enjoying” may be too tepid of an adjective here. Since I began the first book a few weeks ago, I will confess to:

• Pre-ordering the collectors’ edition complete boxed set of hardcovers from amazon.com (for delivery in October).
• Borrowing Book Two since I couldn’t wait until October to continue reading the series.
• Ordering copies of Books Three and Four since I couldn’t wait until October to continue reading the series.
• Re-reading Books One and Two since I flew through them on my first pass.
• After finishing Book 3, realizing that I did not, in fact, have Book Four in my possession (but that I did have Book 5, oddly enough), and then ordering Book Four for overnight delivery to my office since I couldn’t wait until October to continue reading the series.
• Staying up to all hours of the morning to finish reading the books I did have in my possession. I think I was up until 2:30 a.m. reading Book 3, and on a School Night, too! I was only up until 1:00 a.m. last night polishing off Book 5. There was no way on God’s Green Earth that I was going to go to sleep without reading the denouement after the wizard battle between Dumbledore and You-Know-Who. Nope. Nosirree.
• Cancelling the order from amazon.com for the complete set since I figured out I would have copies of all the books (and a duplicate or two) long before the set was shipped to me, then ordering copies of books Two, Six, and Seven, and no, I don’t want the shipment delayed by Super Saver Shipping, thankyouverymuch.

Needless to say, I think I’ve blown my book budget for August and September.

One of my co-workers, somewhere near the start of all this, asked me when it was that I knew I had changed my mind about reading Harry Potter. It was right around this passage, from the first book, somewhere around page 22:

Every year, Harry was left behind with Mrs Figg, a mad old lady who lived two streets away. Harry hated it there. The whole house smelled of cabbage and Mrs. Figg made him look at photographs of all the cats she’d ever owned….

Harry knew that he ought to feel sorry that Mrs. Figg had broken her leg, but it wasn’t easy when he reminded himself it would be a whole year before he had to look at Tibbles, Snowy, Mr. Paws and Tufty again.

I think it was then that I noticed and began to appreciate the wry sense of humor in these books.

Despite my bachelor’s degree in English, I find it difficult to describe why it is that I prefer some writers, and why it is that I dismiss some books and laud others. It all comes down to how well I am drawn into the story. If a book makes it possible for me to sit on my living room couch, with cat and fleece throw and bottle of soda water, and read for hours without noticing the world around me, then I consider it a good book. Similarly, if I can go to a movie and forget I’m at the movie theater (and that the popcorn is too salty and that I need to pee and why oh why did I order a large frozen Coke when I knew I was going to sitting for two hours…), then I consider it a good movie. Wholly subjective, to be sure, but I’m sticking with it.

 

I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library. — Jose Luis Borges

Well, in my Paradise, it wouldn’t exactly be a library because I would want to eat gooey caramel-filled chocolates and take bubble baths while I read. Real libraries frown on that sort of reckless behavior.

“Libraries” make you keep their books at arm’s length, and I’ve always been of the opinion that you should love your books hard. Live with them. Write in them. Get chocolate on them when you lose yourself in the words and have a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup melt in your page-turning hand. I’ve dropped a few of my books in the bathtub, and a great deal have some humidity damage. People with pristine books make me suspicious: Have you actually read your books? How can one tell?

I am careful with books I borrow from other people, certainly, but those times are few and far between. I confess to having no self control in book stores and, frankly, I don’t want to.

I recall reading in one of those “declutter your house” books an author theorized that books represent knowledge and people are reluctant to part with them because owning books means you own the knowledge in the book. He also says, and I quote, “If they don’t fit on your shelves, they shouldn’t be in your home.”

Well, I don’t believe small children should be in a home until they’re toilet trained and can dress themselves, so I’ll let him slide by with that specious comment.

Let it not be said that I am not amenable to changing my opinions — specifically my opinion concerning the Harry Potter Phenomenon. Considering that I am a devoted follower of H.P. Lovecraft, who is frequently described as a minor hack writer, I should not be casting any stones in regards to what I deem “literature” and what I deem “tripe.”

LOLCat courtesy of ICanHasCheezburger.com

At lunch today, I learned that the Exceedingly Intelligent Wife of an Exceedingly Intelligent Local Attorney in her eagerness to read the final Harry Potter book actually shut herself in their bathroom. I admire that in a Reader. It reminds me of My Younger Self on several levels. A few encouraging bits in the media about Rowling’s deft tying up of loose ends in the series also piqued my interest.

So I ordered Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone from amazon.com. I got the mass-market paperback edition, with the rationale that I wouldn’t be spending too much money (and since I wasn’t spending too much money I could therefore justify the purchase of something a smidge more erudite — the annotated version of T. S. Eliot’s The Waste Land — and something “just for fun” — Stephanie Pearl-McPhee’s Knitting Rules!).

I’m also looking for Something Else to Read because I’ve reached that part in The Fugitive when I want to slap Marcel into the middle of next week. “Albertine left you, eh? Perhaps it’s really not due to her lesbian proclivities and wild, abandoned desires but actually may have something to do with the fact that you’re an overprotective, overly jealous, clueless git?”

So, while I have this sinking feeling that I may be sucked into Pott-headness in much the same way people talk about being drawn into a stumbled-upon, coincidental televangelist broadcast and “finding Jesus,” I’m giving myself a few pats on the head about my trying to remain open-minded.

This whole enterprise may be a dismal failure. Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone may suffer a fate similar to The Blithedale Romance, or, Heaven forfend, I might actually enjoy reading it.

I am one of the few people who will not spend today ensorceled by the latest installment in the Life of the Boy Wonder Wizard. I haven’t read a single word of any of the Harry Potter books and there is no doubt in my mind that I will go to my grave a fulfilled and well-read woman nonetheless.

It is a closely-held belief of mine that any work — literary, cinematic or otherwise — that can so dominate popular culture for so long must, inherently, be low brow and aiming for the lowest common denominator. However, since I haven’t read any of these books, I am in no position to say whether this holds true (or not) for Rowlings, Potter, et al.

I didn’t say I was right; I’m just saying it’s one of my beliefs. I realize I may be putting to fine a point on this distinction and am uncertain if any of the Pott-heads would be able to discern it, but I digress.

If this series can withstand the test of time (i.e., it is still in print in 25, 30, or 40 years) I may pick it up and peruse it. I still reserve the right to throw it across the room.

To my recollection, I’ve only thrown one book, the Norton Critical Edition of Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The Blithedale Romance. This was during sophomore year’s American Lit class and, if memory serves me, I picked it up and repeatedly slammed it against a wall in our dorm to the point pages fluttered from its limp carcass. I still can’t remember what set me off.