Archive for the 'Pain' Category

Checking In

Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009

I’m not so much “too busy to blog” as I am worn out at the end of a work day. Worn out as in “spending too much time in front of a computer screen.” I thought I should check in and scatter about a few random bullet points.

  • Emma’s blood sugar readings were all over the map the first two and a half weeks.  I think we’re almost at the point of getting her on a fixed insulin dose and only doing the blood testing a few times a week as opposed to twice a day.  Let’s just say that I’ve gotten really good at poking lancets in a cat’s ear.  It’s a two person job, and I have a highly cooperative cat, but I still think it’s a marketable skill.

  • Why is anyone still listening to Dick Cheney?  He is utterly irrelevant and the only thing I’m even remotely interested in hearing from Dead-Eye Dick would be his testimony before the International Criminal Court in The Hague.

  • I am still in my Summer-Is-Coming-and-It-Sucks depression.  Our home air conditioning will more than likely be turned on later this week.

  • I’m still in Sock Knitting Mode.  The Lenore Socks were finished a few weeks ago; I haven’t taken any pictures of them when I’m actually wearing them, though.  They are lovely and I’m completely in love with Blue Moon Fiber Arts Socks that Rock (lightweight).  Today, I finished Sock Number One of the Blackrose Socks and cast on Sock Number Two, using Dream in Color Smooshy in the Gothic Rose colorway:
  • Dream in Color Smooshy - Gothic Rose


  • I’m in pain.  I have terrible allergies.  I’m cranky and contrary.

  • I’m flying to Paris next Friday.

  • Srsly.

Top Ten Reasons Why Laiane Hasn’t Been Blogging

Sunday, March 22nd, 2009

10. Pain issues.  It’s been very bad since I’ve gone off one of my medications.  I have more intense pain to deal with, but it’s only for a “few days a month.” Yes, that’s a euphemism.  Enough said.  I’m currently typing this while on too much extra-strength Vicodin and I have the attention span of a dog.

9. Depression. This goes hand in hand with #10 above.

8.  Lack of bloggable material. I’ve started a few posts in my head, but none of them have come to fruition.  I have one idea — using the Seven Deadly Sins to write about knitting and yarn addiction — but that’s inchoate at the moment.

7.  Facebook.  Yes, I finally got my sorry butt on Facebook.  I’m there as Laiane Wolfsong if you need to look me up.  

6.  Other Internet addictions.  Besides Ravelry, that is.  I’ve gotten most of my financial stuff up at Mint.com and I’ve been known to waste a lot of screen time with StumbleUpon.com.

5.  Worry.  I’m concerned that Emma, my 14-year-old tuxedo cat, is developing feline diabetes.  We’re going in to see the vet Thursday, and I’m doing a lot of reading up on caring for a diabetic cat.

4.  Morrowind.  I’ve said before that this game is the best computer game of all time, and the primary reason is its re-playability.  I’ve been a Morrowind fan for years, and I keep coming back to it.

3.  Knitting.  One thing I do not suffer from is Second Sock Syndrome, if only because after I try on the first sock off my needles I want the second sock ASAP so I can wear them both.  I’m cranking out the second of a pair done in this lovely Socks That Rock Lightweight from Blue Moon Fiber Arts.

Socks That Rock - Haida

This is the Haida colorway from the Raven Clan series, and it’s going to turn into a pair of Lenore socks.

2.  The Prisoner.  I hadn’t heard of this 1967 television series until The Husband mentioned it.  After Patrick McGoohan died earlier this year, he mentioned it again and we decided to order the series on DVD.  We’re more than halfway through, and I know I will need to watch it again to catch more of the subtlety (You know, foreshadowing, allusions, symbolism –  all that “literary” stuff that gets me excited).

1.  Too much cat help. A picture is worth a thousand words.

Cat Help

A Found Thing

Saturday, January 24th, 2009

I collect the written word:  Books, obviously, but I also collect quotes.  The vast majority aren’t written down, really; they just stay in my (very fuddled) memory.

While cleaning up around the desk in my study, I found a piece of note paper that had the “petty and vindicative” quote about pain that I’d been searching for for years.  The quote, not the specific piece of paper.

My quote searching would have been much easier if I had remembered who said it — for some reason I was thinking H. L. Mencken when it was really W. Somerset Maugham. Big difference.

Anyway.  Ahem.  The “petty and vindictive” quote:

It is not true that suffering enobles the character; happiness does that sometimes, but suffering, for the most part, makes men petty and vindictive.

It could have been Mencken…

Pawsing. Sorry — I Meant “Pausing.”

Friday, January 18th, 2008

I’m suffering from the onset of a carpal tunnel syndrome thing. A real-McCoy carpal tunnel syndrome thing with numbness in my thumbs and forefingers and the inability to hold a pen and write legibly. This is opposed to a faux carpal tunnel syndrome thing with soreness in my wrists from computer gaming too much and overusing the mouse. That’s what I thought CTS was — wrist soreness — but when I was looking up my symptoms on the innernets last night — as a good lil’ innernet addict should — I discovered that CTS is really indicated by a loss of sensation and/or pain in the thumbs and forefingers. That gave me pause, let me tell you. Serious pause. The “I’m causing nerve damage here” pause.

It’s from the knitting. I know it’s from the knitting because it’s in both hands.

I’ve been a heavy computer user for years and years. Not only am I a Gamer Grrrl, I’m a secretary. The vast majority of my job is word processing. Lots of word processing. I’m coming up on fourteen straight years as a probate and estate planning legal assistant, so I know my word processing, cats and kittens. Boy Howdy do I know my word processing.

I have a significant amount of hours of computer use at the office each workday and I have never, ever, for one second had a problem with my hands. There were a few long weekends when I gave myself “mouse elbow” from hours and hours of EverQuest II, but it wasn’t anything like this — nothing even close to this weird “pins and needles” feeling in my thumbs.

I have declared this a No Knitting Weekend. I’m wearing my wrist braces 24/7. I took ibuprofen all day, but that hasn’t really done much (and I can’t take it together with the extra-strength Vicodin that is my bulwark against My Other Pain I deal with all too often). I’m going to try some cold therapy (i.e., ice in a ziploc baggie) in a little bit.

No Knitting. I can, however, type and use a mouse (while wearing the braces) without much discomfort — not exceptionally well, mind you, but it’s certainly doable. My intention is to level up in Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion so I can go and tackle the Shivering Isles expansion.

Laiane - Imperial City Sewers

After the ice, though.

Yes, yes, in a perfect world I wouldn’t be on my computer at all. My alternatives? Reading and watching DVD’s. I’ll spend some time with those activities; I can only read so much without getting restless and watching a movie without yarn and needles in my hands makes me twitchy. I know there are millions of people out there who can sit in front of the television, slack-jawed and content, but I am not of that ilk.

It’s going to be a wicked cold weekend, anyway. It’s best to stay inside. There could be dire consequences otherwise.

Tail Freezing Weather

 

LOLCat Friday!

Friday, January 4th, 2008

I’m very thankful it was a short work week. Re-adjusting to a new boss, even though he is a charming and amiable gentleman, isn’t easy for me. I’m feeling more than a little overwhelmed with the changes at the office.

I’ll manage, certainly, but I’ve been having a difficult week with my Never-Ending Chronic Pain. The pain just compounds the stress and wears me out. I’m an introvert; I need a lot of people-free “down time” in order to recharge my batteries — even on my pain-free days. Today it feels that all I truly want to do is take a hot bath and curl up on the sofa with my yarn, a few felines, a Cottage Inn pizza, and a movie; but first, it’s LOLCat Friday!

iz-dis-fing-on.jpg

Feline courtesy of I Can Has Cheezburger.

I also have a new book I want to dive into: Beyond the Body Farm: A Legendary Bone Detective Explores Murders, Mysteries, and the Revolution in Forensic Science. Yes, this is what I read for fun (when I’m not knitting, gaming, surfing the innernets, etc.).

I’m hoping it will inspire me to get Item No. 1 off of my list of twelve things to do in this new year. I’ve downloaded the application, had an email exchange with the University about the form my photographs should be in, and should be good to go for FINISHING THIS TASK. It’s been on the Things To Do list for so long it’s laughable.

I plan on rewarding myself with a University of Tennessee sweatshirt when I done with all my paperwork.

But now, it’s time for bath, felines, yarn, pizza, movie.

Not necessarily in that order.

Octopus Tag!

Monday, July 30th, 2007

Octopus Knits — a frequent commenter here — was kind enough to call me a

Girl Blogger Button

I love reading her blog. She’s a very talented knitter, and her “cats wearing knitwear” photos are downright hysterical.

In honor of the hot pink button, I’ll also post a “in progress” pic of the hot pink Tempting Sweater. They almost match!

Tempting - Progress as of 7-30

I also want to respond to her birthday meme, but I know I will want to type a lot more than I’m up for today. I’m still bouncing back from the awful pain on Sunday and want to crawl into my hidey hole with my computer and chocolate ice cream.

Well, that and I’m winding up the Morrowind quest to have the last of the four Ashlander tribes nominate me the Nerevarine. Then it’s off to Vivec to meet with the Archcanon and demonstrate that I’m not a heretic, etc., etc.

Never a dull moment around here.

Sunday Morning Garden Blogging [PG-13]

Sunday, July 29th, 2007

I’m dealing with chronic pain issues today — and I used up all my verbosity yesterday — so all you get is prurient pictures of hot peppers and day lilies.

Hot Peppers

Flower Sex Redux

Flower Sex

Something Approaching Agony

Friday, May 25th, 2007

I say to myself, “I don’t know how I can even begin to describe the pain I’m dealing with right now.” The mind goes blank. I have a few images — a clenched fist, a bowstring drawn back to its limit — that’s how my body feels. Something approaching agony. My jawline aches from being tightly held all day. I say those small prayers — God, oh, God ohGodohGodohGod — until the words are meaningless.

I’m not looking for pity. I’m not looking for anyone to take care of me, pet me, cater to me. I’m just looking for a distraction.

/breathe

Books, baths, cats, my computer, knitting — these all help — but I still have those stretches where I only have the awareness of wanting to scream. I find myself panting, like an animal, trying to make it through waves of suffering.

/breathe

I’ll be alright. I’m always “alright.” One horribly annoying thing that came to my mind once (when I was going through the worst depression of my life), was that I never have the luxury of breaking. Gah. I’m far too solid and stubborn for that. “Breaking,” crying, carrying on, grieving, whathaveyou. I carry too much strength for something that easy (damn that personal pride).

Well, enough Internal Dialogue. Here’s a photo of my inchoate irises.

I imagine them — and my peonies — making a sound like a kernel of popcorn exploding in hot oil. What would be the onomatopoetic word for that?

Considering the Vocabulary of Pain

Friday, May 11th, 2007

I have been living with chronic pain for many years. I sit and try to calculate how many years it’s been — 17? 18? Less than half my life, but not by much. I’ve been searching for that H.L. Mencken quote for some time now. I can’t recall it exactly, but it’s along the lines of “pain doesn’t ennoble a person; for the majority of men, pain makes one petty and mean.” It was one of those quotes I should have written down at the time but never got around to and now I can’t find it for the life of me. Bloody hell.

So I go looking, and I find all sorts of interesting quotes concerning pain, some of which I’m certain are written by people whose experience with physical pain is limited to a hangnail, splinter, or stubbed toe.


This horror of pain is a rather low instinct and … if I think of human beings I’ve known and of my own life, such as it is, I can’t recall any case of pain which didn’t, on the whole, enrich life. –Malcolm Muggeridge

Should I even stoop to comment on the utter vacuity of this statement? Yeah, Malcolm, your own life — such as it is. I take it you didn’t get out much. I’ve been popping Vicodin like Tic-Tacs in order to enrich my life. Care if I slap you into the middle of next week?


Pain hardens, and great pain hardens greatly, whatever the comforters say, and suffering does not ennoble, though it may occasionally lend a certain rigid dignity of manner to the suffering frame. –Antonia S. Byatt

Rigid dignity? I take it Antonia never spent an evening biting into a pillow, trying not to scream, drenched in sweat and crying from exhaustion. “Dignity” is hardly the word I would have used to describe my suffering frame at that point. I do have to agree with “pain hardens,” though. I am definitely much harder — intolerant, cynical, bitter, judgmental. “Harder” does not necessarily equal “better.”

Herein lies the problem of attempting to communicate or define the nature of a subjective experience. My experience of pain is unique to myself, as your experience is to you, as these writers’ experiences are to them.

Pain is as diverse as man. One suffers as one can. –Victor Hugo

I reserve the right to mock these writers, despite that. Anyone who has been dealing with pain for years has a duty to mock them, as far as I’m concerned. Enriched life. Dignity. Meh.

Yes, that’s my Emma. I’m enjoying a slow day at …

Friday, May 4th, 2007


Yes, that’s my Emma. I’m enjoying a slow day at home in pre-celebration of my birthday tomorrow. The only reason I’m piqued is because I’m having a Bad Pain Day. Perhaps a hot bubblebath is in order.

Pain We Obey

Monday, February 19th, 2007

Illness is the doctor to whom we pay most heed; to kindness, to knowledge, we make promise only; pain we obey. -Marcel Proust

I’ve been dealing with chronic pain from endometriosis for 15+ years. A little more than that, maybe. I can’t say that my pain is my constant companion. It comes and goes. Today is one of those “comes” days. I carry tension in my jaw, clench my hands so tightly my fingernails leave dents in my palms. No great insights today, folks; just thought I would share my favorite Proust quote. Even in agony I can be pretentious. It’s a gift.